Man Marrying Older Brother’s Girlfriend After Affair; Their Mom Has No Idea How to Handle It

The anonymous woman turned to Reddit’s Advice forum after discovering a massive betrayal that not only destroyed the relationship between her boys but shattered their family dynamic.

Now posed with a decision that stands to alter her family — and her relationship with her eldest son — for good, the OP (a.k.a. the “Original Poster”) is wondering what to do, and boy did Redditors weigh in.

Read on to find out the full story.

It all started with an act of kindness. Needing a place to live, the OP’s younger, single son, 25, decided to ask his older brother, 30, if he could rent a room from him and his girlfriend of six years. And they let him.

“About a year into this arrangement, my youngest started a relationship with this gf on the sly. Wouldn’t you know it, the worst case scenario occurred and my oldest walked in on my youngest fooling around with his brother’s partner,” the OP wrote. “I will not go into details about the devastation and ruin this has caused.”

Comparing it to a death in the family, the 50-year-old mother of two added, “I simply cannot properly convey how complete it is, this destruction of my family.”

It’s been a little over a year since their secret relationship was exposed but OP says the pain this has caused her eldest son and their entire family is still very fresh.

What’s worse, is within the last two to three weeks, she learned that not only are her younger son and her eldest son’s former girlfriend in love, but they’re also engaged.

“I think I have hyper-empathy syndrome and all I can think about is the pain and hurt my oldest son may feel whenever he learns of this development…he really loved that girl,” OP wrote, before turning to Reddit to ask what to do.

“My question is this: should I tell my oldest son that his brother and his ex-gf are engaged and planning on getting married, or should I just let him learn this info on his own..?,” she asks.

“For some reason I feel like it would be more respectful to give him a heads-up, rather than him find out later through a friend of a friend of the family,” she continued. “Or is that an insensitive approach, and would just reopen a wound that is still healing? I thank you in advance, for any genuine advice I may receive.”

“Honestly, I think telling him is best. Then you can control the time, place, and manner in which he finds out. If you leave it up to chance, he could find out right before an important event or on an already stressful day,” one commenter wrote. “Or he could find out in a really devastating way in public with nowhere to take some space and catch his breath.”

The comment continued: “If I were you, I’d pick maybe a Friday to invite him over for dinner and give him the heads up. That way he has the weekend to recover before going back to work. You could even offer to spend time with him on the weekend to help him get his mind off of it. Others may have different opinions, but if I were in his position, this is what I would want.”

Others seconded that, with another commenter adding, “OP, please don’t enact another situation where family members kept secrets from him.”

Following up on their previous comment, one Redditor pointed to a sense of urgency in the matter, telling OP that the sooner she tells her son the better, “Also, I would tell him this week before it’s too late.”

Another, meanwhile, noted that in this moment, OP needs to put her eldest on first, adding, “Doubling down on this – your youngest destroyed all of your lives. I know you love him, but you don’t have to like him right now. Your eldest needs you more than anything right now. Be there for him.”

Someone else said the mom should “cut your youngest son off and go [No Contact] because he’s an absolute garbage human being.” They added, “How on earth do you think it’s ok for him to do that to his brother? Your oldest son needs someone on his side and you are talking like it’s just ok that his little brother did that to him. You 100% should not be going to this wedding.”

OP replied, clarifying that she is “disgusted” by her son’s behavior.

“I have never in my life been ashamed of my son or who he is, until this happened. It’s as if I never knew him, and he is an unexpected stranger,” she wrote. “My family is gone, I have 2 sons who are no longer brothers. My oldest son may never trust another human being with his feelings again, which robs him of future happiness and contentment–that makes me furious!!”

She added that her support is fully behind her oldest son, before concluding, “It really sucks to discover that someone you love & care for is such a disappointing shameful human, I just don’t understand what tf his dad & I did wrong.”

What do you think?