Girlfriend Loses It Over Man’s American Flag Speedo Embarrassing Her at Party

Sharing his story on the infamous AITA (“Am I the A–hole”) forum, the OP (a.k.a. “the original poster”) shared two stories he thought were pretty similar — one his reaction to what his girlfriend was wearing to an event and the other her reaction to his choice.

If he was looking for a clear-cut consensus from the online forum, he was definitely in the wrong place (and possibly the wrong country). Instead, the response was all over the place. There were some who sided with him, some who sided with his girlfriend … and some who weren’t having it with either of them!

Read on to find out exactly what happened.

OP began his story by sharing that he, 28, and his girlfriend, 27, have been dating for 18 months. He said that while they don’t often fight, this situation turned into their biggest one yet. As he described it, the fight happened earlier this year “when I questioned what she wanted to wear to a groom’s dinner at my friend’s wedding.”

“I was in the wedding party and we had spent the entire day setting things up for the wedding. The groom’s dinner was that night and was going to be a very casual affair since everyone was sweaty and tired from working all day,” he explained. “My GF arrived later in the day and asked me if I could meet her at our hotel so she could change.”

He said that at the hotel, she put on “a pretty fancy dress, kind of like a cocktail dress that she would wear to a club.” OP told her it was a casual dinner “since everyone had worked all day and people weren’t going to be dressing up.” He said his girlfriend “scolded me and told me that I don’t get to tell her what to wear. She said she will give me a pass that one time, but I should never again criticize or question what she wants to wear.”

“I dropped it but when we got to the dinner and she saw how overdressed she was, she got embarrassed even though people commented on how good she looked,” OP added.

All of that was to set up the triggering incident that drove him to Reddit and AITA. “This past weekend, we were invited to a pool party at my GF’s friend’s house. Since it was close to the 4th of July, I decided to break out my American flag speedo that I got in college as a joke. I was trying it on before we left to make sure it still fit OK and my GF saw me,” he wrote. “She asked me WTF I was wearing and told me that I can’t wear that. I asked her why not and she told me it’s gross, revealing, and unattractive.”

“I told her the same thing she told me at the wedding, that she doesn’t get to tell me what to wear,” he countered. “She told me that is not the same situation at all and I’m going to make a fool of myself. I told her that if I’m wearing this speedo, clearly I don’t take myself too seriously.” He even said he’d “bring a spare swimsuit if she’s going to make such a big deal out of it.”

At the party, the Speedo “got a few laughs from my GF’s friends,” and then OP said he started playing pool volleyball with some other guys and “just went about my day having fun.” Conversely, his girlfriend “spent most of the day inside by herself or with a few friends, she barely came out by the pool.”

He said that she did come out at one point, “pulled me aside and asked me to please change out of the speedo because I’m embarrassing her. I told her that she’s the only one who is making a big deal out of this and that if I’m in the pool no one notices or cares anyway.”

Later that night, OP said his girlfriend “asked me if I was going to apologize to her.” He replied, “I don’t feel like I have anything to apologize for and she told me I embarrassed her all day even after she told me to take off the speedo. I told her she needs to loosen up because she’s making a big deal out of a little fun joke but she thinks I’m an AH.”

So he wants to know: “AITA For wearing an American flag speedo to a pool party and embarrassing my GF“

As you might imagine, responses were all over the place on this one, with some definitely being a response to the more conservative American stance on what’s appropriate in men’s swimwear. But there were plenty who had issues on both sides regardless of their take on swim briefs.

Certainly there were plenty who were on OP’s side. “She’s trying to control what you wear. You were right to shut her down, just like she did when you tried to stop her from going overdressed to an event and were told to kick rocks,” argued one. “She can’t tell you that you can’t control her wardrobe and then turn around and do exactly the same thing to you.”

Others came in to qualify that the situations weren’t exactly apples to apples either, with one person noting, “OP wasn’t trying to control what she wore in the first incident. He provided her information so she could make an informed choice and gf over reacted.” Another agreed, adding, “Right? He didn’t tell her NOT to wear it. He didn’t say it would embarrass him. His concern was for her, because he knew that she would be way nicer dressed than everyone else.”

“In contrast, at the pool party, the girlfriend called the speedo ‘gross, revealing, and unattractive,'” commented another Redditor. “She didn’t seem concerned with OP’s comfort level. Does she even like her boyfriend?” One person speculated, “Imagine if OP had described the girlfriend’s dress as ‘gross, revealing, and unattractive.'”

Plenty of commenters went in on the girlfriend, with one person writing, “Informing someone of dress code is actually a kind thing to do – and it sounds like she was mean about it and then later embarrassed! I would’ve said, ‘oh thanks for letting me know!’ And saved the cocktail dress for another time. Then she’s mean and controlling about the speedo. Then she ruins the day because of it.”

They concluded OP wasn’t in the wrong here, “but your girlfriend just sounds mean. This is when these things reveal themselves. Imagine being married to someone who treats you like this. It’s not like she’s going to get nicer. This is her best behavior right now.”

There were some who found issue with how the boyfriend handled the whole situation, too, recalling that he’d written he’d bring a different swimsuit if she was going to make such a big deal out of it — which she clearly was … and he clearly didn’t. “He could have gotten the attention he wanted and then changed, but no,” wrote one reader. “He may not be an a-hole, but he got a-hole tendencies.”

That said, there were those who defended the girlfriend’s take on her boyfriend in the tight-fitting swimwear. “my man’s hot and I love it when he’s naked or walking around in his underwear but there is something that’s just unattractive to me about speedos,” commented one. “The sexiest man alive could throw on a speedo and it would be turn off tbh.”

Another saw it as OP getting back at his girlfriend for how she treated him over the party dress, calling them both out for their “tit for tat behavior.” They wrote, “Instead of talking s–t out they both just do what they want knowing full well it’s upsetting the other person … He used the opportunity to get back at her and in doing so just stooped down to her level. If her behavior was wrong before, then him doing the same thing is also wrong.”

“She set the standard that they have no say in what each wears. She was clear about that,” one Redditor counter-argued. “I hardly think it’s fair to call abiding by the standard your partner sets as antagonizing. Maybe he wanted to rock his speedo at a pool party where it matches the theme. It makes sense that he didn’t figure she could ban him from wearing it given the history.”

While some conceded that a Speedo might not be their thing, they still didn’t see why it was embarrassing for the girlfriend. One commenter wrote, “Speedos are just ick, in my opinion. See that? My opinion. I don’t really care what you do. Not my business.” Another marveled at the outrage, adding, “It’s not like he was wearing a garbage bag for a diaper. It’s a normal functional acceptable swimsuit he had on.”

When one commenter was told they were showing their prejudice by being against the swimwear, another replied, “It’s not prejudice. It’s cultural norms. Wearing speedos to a 4th of July party in most places in the US is outside of the cultural norms.”

“Hard disagree that wearing speedos to a pool party are outside cultural norms. I literally see it every year, don’t wear one myself. Not to mention you don’t see people calling it gross every couple of years when they watch the Olympics are on,” replied one Redditor. “And ignoring all that, just because it is a ‘cultural norm’ doesn’t mean it’s not prejudiced.”

But OP wasn’t going to get off the hook that easily. “You were at her friend’s house and you wore something gross for comedic effect. She told you it would embarrass her and it did,” wrote one commenter. “She on the other hand, overdressed for a dinner once. It was not awkward, inappropriate or embarrassing. If anything, she went out of her way to not embarrass you.”

Still another reader agreed with this sentiment, adding, “Being respectfully but slightly overdressed is way different than wearing a speedo originally bought ‘as a joke.’ What if she wore something grossly revealing to the groom’s dinner?”

The repeated use of the word “gross” rankled one commenter enough to ask, “How is a speedo grosser than a bikini?” One reply tried to explain, “It depends on where you live, but in most of the US a male wearing a Speedo is equivalent to a woman wearing a thong and pasties over her nipples … It’s a cultural thing, and OP expressed her embarrassment appropriately.” To this the original commenter replied simply, “Ah so just to sexist prudes it is worse, got it 👍🏻”

“I think it’s pretty funny. My son has one of these ‘American flag’ speedos,” wrote one Redditor. “I can’t say I’m the biggest fan of it… but considering he also has one that has the Burger King logo on the a– and the words ‘Home of the whopper’ on the front, just keep telling your [girlfriend] ‘Hey it could be worse.'”

What do you think?