Girl Whose Family Is Accused Of ‘Emotional Incest’ Asks Internet To Decide

While her intent when posting to the anonymous forum was to find out whether or not she was in the wrong for a rude response to her brother’s significant other — things, as they often do on the internet, took a turn as all the details spilled out.

Included in the 20-year-old’s post was a litany of accusations against her family, made by the expectant mother, and those allegations became much more interesting to the Reddit community than the original query.

Read on to see how things played out.

“My (20f)’s brother (Mark-23m) has been with his girlfriend (22f-Jane) for a year,” the young woman’s post began. “She is one of the most passive-aggressive, snarky people you will ever meet. Her middle name is ‘petty’. The thing that caused our family to keep her at arm’s length, was when she got mad at our mum for accommodating our younger sister’s autism and not force-feeding her as well as allowing her to read at the table (something that calms her down). She got on mum’s arse for ‘enabling an entitled brat’.”

“Another example was when my mum supported Mark’s decision to get the tattoo he had been saving up for, for years. Jane proceeded to call mum up to complain that he made the deposit (with his hard earned, saved money) and had an appointment set,” OP continued.

She went on to claim that Jane “told [my] mum that [she] wasn’t going to allow this ‘emotional incest’ anymore and that she’s happy to make an appointment for all of us for family therapy as this ‘enmeshment’ is making her uncomfortable.”

“She has continued to make comments like these, specifically to mum and it’s disgusting how little respect she has for pretty much everyone but herself,” OP wrote. “She’s not been invited to Christmas this year but Mark is. It’s unclear what they’re planning to do yet.”

Then came the inciting incident that led OP (original poster) to take to Reddit.

“A few days ago, Jane called me as mum had blocked her,” the young woman explained. “She said she was 3 months pregnant and went on a long rant about the family dynamic. She then asked ‘why don’t you all like me?’ I laughed out of pure shock and asked if she was serious. She didn’t even respond, just said ‘I’ll call you when you’re in the mood to be more mature.’ and hung up.”

“I told mum about the situation and she’s on my side but Mark is fuming at me for laughing at Jane’s question and angry at mum for being on my side. Mum just told him that he needs to talk to Jane about her constant comments and insults and she’s expecting an apology.”

“Mark won’t talk to me and Jane blocked my number,” OP concluded before asking, “AITA [am I the a–hole]?”

Overall, it seemed the young woman was given the NTA (not the a–hole) rating. However, many a Redditor wanted more details — specifically why the brother’s significant other would accuse the family of “emotional incest.”

As one Redditor put it: “Info, why else does she think you’re all enmeshed?”

“She literally thinks it’s enmeshment if my mum texts my brother a funny video she saw on facebook,” OP replied. “She seems to think parent-son interactions = enmeshment.”

Continuing the conversation, the Redditor noted: “Well it can depending on how often or invasive the relationship gets. Now I [am not] agreeing with her actions as a lot of the other examples are bad but the [term] enmeshment isn’t usually thrown around without something backing it a bit. Hence why I was wanting a clearer picture of their relationship. [You are] going to have to expand more [than just giving] that for info. Like how often do they call or text? How often is he with you all vs her, how touchy are people? Like kiss touchy on cheeks?”

The young woman replied by breaking out the questions.

In response to how often they are in communication, she wrote: “Call maybe once a month and text maybe 2 times a week. It might be more if an event is coming up but it’s hard to come up with an actual number for that stuff.”

Then when it came to how much of her brother’s time is spent with the family versus with his girlfriend “Jane”, she said: “He only comes over when it’s dinner night and is rarely alone with her unless he’s doing dishes and mum is cooking, for example. Dinner night is twice a month.”

Then came the “how touchy” they are question, which OP said was, “Not at all. Mum doesn’t like physical touch.”

These responses seemed to satisfy the interested commenter.

Meanwhile, not all Redditors were so concerned with the accusations from Jane and instead focused on the argument that led to the post being made.

As one commenter questioned why she “chose to just laugh” rather than explain the situation to Jane, OP wrote: “Jane bullied an autistic child (our sister just turned 8). Told my mum multiple times she should have aborted, and that foster care is always an option because ‘she wouldn’t deal with the tantrums’ (this was after my sister went to her room to self-regulate her emotions after being emotionally overstimulated by Jane’s dog who we told her not to bring).”

“She bullied my mum by putting her down at every opportunity possible and picked on her insecurities,” OP continued. “She gave my cousin with an ED a dieting cook book. And she doesn’t know why no one in our family likes her? Unless she is totally stunted, she knows why.”

Some were concerned for Mark, as one Redditor wrote: “That’s an abuser trying to isolate your brother from his friends and family. And succeeding. You need to all get together and fix this before it gets worse.”

Overall, the verdict in the comments seemed to be best summed up by this highly rated response: “NTA, u guys should have talked with Mark a long time ago to dump this girl. She is a nightmare, and now pregnant it will only get worse.”

“I’m willing to try and work it out if she genuinely apologises to mum for her comments and my sister for the weird ableism she spouts,” OP said in reply. “But until then, I’m not interested. It seems like she wants a support system for her baby without doing the work to help the relationships with those she wants to help.”

What do you think?