The Rookie Guide On How To Paint Your Nails

Within the last year, Harry Styles, Machine Gun Kelly, Tyler the Creator, and Lil Yachty have released their own nail polish lines. Men wearing nail polish is not new! Most frontmen, sex symbols, and general rockstars with chutzpah have long adorned their phalanges. Pete Davidson does. By now I don’t need to explain his universal appeal to you.

Then why are my digits as naked as the day I was born? Maybe it seemed like a lot of work. Maybe I thought it’d open the floodgates to another level of maintenance I’d have to upkeep. Maybe it’s both.

I couldn’t help but feel like I was missing out. So for the past few weeks, I’ve been painting my nails. It’s fun, sometimes! Mostly when the finished product is attractive or interesting to look at. Other times, it’s a total dog’s dinner. I saved you from those abject failures in hopes that it inspires you to express yourself in the latest way men are late to the game. Would it be OK if I share?

Shipwreck nails

Anything is nail decor if you’re brave enough. Just look at what I accomplished with detritus from my craft desk with Sally Hansen Disco Ball, nail glue, and Seche Vite Gel Effects Top Coat.

Matisse tips

Rather than investing in a ton of different colors, I just used a set of acrylic paint markers. Lay down a base coat (I used Pleasing’s Pearly Tops for its smooth, matte surface), draw up a storm, and then seal it all in with top coat.

Organic egg nails

This one required some thinking outside of the box. Using paint markers, I scribbled on a piece of wax paper. I let that dry and flaked it off with a toothpick, and proceeded to grind it into smithereens. Simply mix that dust into your top coat for a farm-to-table finish.

Dizzy French manicure

These blobs are similar in character to French tips, with none of the hoity-toity cruft. Again, I used paint markers.

Persimmon nails

My mom has been growing persimmons in her backyard. Color me inspired! A few coats of Sinful Colors Sheer Matte Polish in Hot & Hazy approximate the fruit flesh. A contrasting baby blue tip adds distance between you and any concern that you’re in a bridal party.

Composition notebook nails

If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a million times: composition notebook is the new cow print. I used a black lacquer of zero importance and added the marbling with a fine-tipped white marker. I am not yet at the point of dexterity where I can get my right hand to look as good as my left hand. So, if you see me out and about with only one paw painted: no, you didn’t.

—Or Gotham

Photos via ITG and the author