Kim and Khloe Try Life in a Bunker

The woman behind Nori’s Black Book — a viral parody Instagram account written entirely in the voice of Kim Kardashian’s sassy 7-year-old daughter — continues to bring her talents to TooFab.

Each week, “Nori” recaps new episodes of “Keeping Up with the Kardashians,” giving us HER take on all the family drama.

(NOTE: The below was not actually written by North West.)

The episode started with Kendall’s dog locking himself and her friend Fai’s dog in a room at the Malibu Vacation Home. The dogs were running around and scaring Kim. Kendall and Fai thought it would be a good idea to put them in a room, but had no idea the dogs would accidentally lock the door. Everyone was shook! No one knew what to do. Kendall remembered there was a window to the room, so she slipped in and unlocked the door from the inside. Kendall said they were not putting them back in there.

Later, Kourtney was having a sleepover with her friends in Malibu. Kris was there earlier and left, but Corey stayed behind to hangout. Her friend and world renowned TikToker, Addison Rae was also at the sleepover. Kourtney was introduced to Addison Rae through her son, Mason. Addison and Kourtney created a workout video for POOSH and since then she has never left. Since the quarantine, Kourtney had gotten close to Addison. Kourtney said it was nice to have good positive energy around. She just connected with Addison.

North West: I can’t wait to read the POOSH article, “Stay young in your 40s by befriending someone in their 20’s”.

Kris got a call from her mom, MJ. MJ was thinking about going to San Diego for her 86th birthday and wanted to invite Kris. Because of the pandemic, Kris was worried about MJ, at her age, going to a public restaurant with her friends. She thought it was risky and not a good idea. MJ agreed.

In the backyard, Addison played with Kourtney and her kids. Not far from them, Malika, Khloe, and Scott talked about how happy Kourtney had been lately. Khloe said that Kourtney had a rough year last year and she wanted the old Kourtney back, and since quarantine Kourtney had been super happy. However, Kim and Khloe were a little curious if her happiness was because of Addison. There is a huge age difference (Addison is 20, Kourtney is 41) and they didn’t know her, so they are curious about what they have in common.

NW: Addison doesn’t work, doesn’t seem to do anything, yet has a huge following on social media. Seems like they have everything in common.

Later, FoodGod (Jonathan Cheban) called Kim in a state of panic. He told her that he and his mother were robbed at gunpoint in New Jersey for his $250K watch. Kim was shocked. She understood that this type of thing could traumatize a person. He was freaking out so she invited him to come visit her and her family in LA.

Khloe joined Kourtney and Addison for lunch. Kourtney and Addison couldn’t stop laughing and sharing inside jokes. Khloe tried to join the conversation and talk to Kourtney, but Kourtney was not responding to her, only Addison. Khloe thought Kourtney and Addison’s dynamic was interesting. Their relationship was such a mystery.

NW: What exactly is the dynamic here? Mentor and mentee? Mother and child? The whole family was so confused.

FoodGod arrived at the Malibu Vacation Home. He told the family about his robbery. He went shopping and had dinner and returned to his mom’s house. When he pulled into his mom’s driveway and when he got out of the car a man got behind him and asked, “Do you know what time it is?”. FoodGod then turned around and saw his mom being held at gunpoint by another man and then his watch was ripped from his wrist. The robbers hadn’t been caught, but the police were working on it. Because of Kim’s history with robbery she was feeling triggered and her anxiety was starting to set in. FoodGod said moving forward he was going to have full time security.

Later Kim and Khloe were hanging out with Mason. Kim told Mason that she called his mom and Addison was at her house. Kim needed to talk to Kourtney because she was having a deep problem. Kourtney acted interested, but then said she needed to call her back because she wanted to be private, but Addison was there. Kim understood that, however Kourtney forgot to hang up and Kim heard her say, “Ugg! Sorry that’s my sister Kim. She’s just blabbing. I’ve tried to get off the phone with her 10 million times for the last hour and she just won’t shut up or get off the phone.” Kim was disgusted. She concluded that when Kourtney was with Addison, none of the family existed. It was strange to Kim and Khloe because Kourtney wasn’t like that with her other girlfriends.

NW: The same thing happened to Penelope. P asked her mom when they could have dinner and Auntie Kourt said soon. But when P was leaving the room she heard her mom tell Addison, “Ugg sorry that’s my daughter, P. Oh my gosh, she’s so annoying! Like she’s always hungry. Who eats three times a day? And why is she bothering me about food, I’m her mom not her nanny.” Auntie Kourt is a different person when Addison is around.

Since FoodGod’s robbery, coupled with 2020 being a crazy year, Kim was freaking out. She started looking into survival shelters and settled on a bunker. She found a guy on the internet who builds bunkers. Her and Khloe did a video call with him to see what bunkers were all about. They found out that a bunker can hold up to 40 people. Kim liked what she heard, but wanted to see what a Bunker was like before she invested in one.

Kourtney called MJ to get her thoughts on her birthday. MJ wanted to go to San Diego with her girlfriends, but Kris didn’t want her to go. Kourtney disagreed with her mom and said that MJ should live her life the way she wanted to. Kourtney was going to talk to Kris about a safe way that MJ can still have her birthday party. Kourtney said she would even sneak her to San Diego if she had to.

The family invited Addison to lunch without Kourtney so they could get to know her better. The family immediately started to grill her with questions: “Where are you from?”, “Do you live with your parents?”, “Have you ever been arrested?”, “What’s your blood type?” and many more. Ultimately, they wanted to know why Addison made Kourtney so happy, perhaps her and Kourtney were hooking up? Addison insisted they were not hooking up. Kendall was actually getting uncomfortable.

NW: They edited out Scott’s other question: “You say you just turned 20, Are you single?”

Later, the family were still trying to figure out what to do for MJ’s birthday. Kris still didn’t think San Diego was possible because of COVID, but she still thought MJ deserved a party. Kris brought her to Malibu and MJ loved it, so Kris thinks the family’s vacation home was the perfect place to celebrate MJ’s birthday. It would be safe because of masks, social distancing, and testing. Kris said it was going to be the best birthday ever.

Kim and Khloe went to an undisclosed location to see a bunker that Kim feels like she may need. The idea was that Kim and Khloe would test out the bunker. Kim packed a bag that included her study books and food. Kim was taking it seriously.

When they locked themselves in the bunker, Khloe left all the food outside the bunker, so Kim and Khloe ate what was in there. Khloe didn’t like the food and she was hot because it got up to over 100 degrees in the bunker. Khloe was over it, she felt like she had been in there for three days. Khloe asked Kim if this was how she really wanted to live, because it was unbearable. Kim eventually agreed with Khloe and said the bunker felt safe, but it’s not for her.

NW: There was no way I was going to move into a bunker with her and her kids. I’ll take my chances in the world.

Back in Malibu, Kourtney confronted Kim and Khloe about inviting Addison to lunch without her. Kourtney wanted to know what her sister’s obsession was about. Khloe said that Kourtney was in such a fantastic mood when she was around Addison, they wanted to pick Addison’s brain about what she does to pull out a better attitude out of Kourtney. Kourtney said that she’s just content with her life. Kourtney felt like she had a young heart and an old soul. She doesn’t think it’s about age, it’s about people’s energy and vibes. People focused on the age gap between her and Addison, but Kourtney felt like not everyone needed to understand the relationship between her and her friends.

NW: Considering the dating history of certain family members, it’s very clear that no one in this family is concerned about an age gap. I won’t be surprised if Dream’s step-mom ends up being in her 70s.

The day of MJ’s party, Kris was excited because MJ hadn’t seen her friends in so long so it was going to be a lot of fun. Everyone was rapid tested to make sure everyone was safe. Kris surprised her mom with her favorite jazz musician, Rick Ross, who MJ has been listening to for years. He also plays at the hotel where she has had her birthday for many years. Kris was moved to tears because she was so happy to be able to celebrate with her mom. MJ was also emotional and said it was the perfect day.

Kim said she could really learn how to live life from her grandma. Kim never had anxiety before her robbery. She wanted to survive for her kids, but she didn’t want to be an anxious person that is just waiting for the next bad thing to happen. She was going to take a page out of MJ’s book and live as anxiety-free as possible.

Kim and Addison wore matching, sparkle outfits. Kourtney told Khloe, Kim, and Scott that they were working a handshake with TikTok moves involved.

Addison felt like her and Kourtney had such a connection that they didn’t need to practice the handshake, they could just do it on command.

Khloe said she actually enjoyed getting to know Addison and the more she gets to know her she understood why Kourtney is such good friends with her. Kim thought she was so genuine and nice. Both girls agree that Addison was a good person.

NW: Addison, if you’re reading this: Go home. I’m sure there are people that love you and miss you. Give us a break.