Kourtney Kardashian Convinces Kris and Corey to Experiment with Celibacy

The woman behind Nori’s Black Book — a viral parody Instagram account written entirely in the voice of Kim Kardashian’s sassy 7-year-old daughter — continues to bring her talents to TooFab.

Each week, “Nori” recaps new episodes of “Keeping Up with the Kardashians,” giving us HER take on all the family drama.

(NOTE: The below was not actually written by North West.)

The episode started at the family’s Malibu vacation home. Khloe couldn’t get over Kendall’s arms and wanted to arm wrestle her. She was convinced that she would demolish Kendall. She was surprised when Kendall actually beat her. Kendall had Hulk-like strength. Kim arm-wrestled Kendall next and beat her. Kim said she was a beast because she works out and lifts heavy weights. Khloe’s mind was blown!

North West: This was your foreshadow for how bad this episode was going to be.

Later, Kourtney was alone at the Malibu house working on articles for her lifestyle brand, POOSH. Scott unexpectedly crashed the house because, much like Kourtney, he thought no one would be there. Their sons Mason and Reign were with Kris and their daughter Penelope was at Khloe’s house. Scott made some snacks and asked Kourtney if she wanted to watch a movie with him. She was happy to do so. She didn’t remember the last time she and Scott spent time alone together without the kids. It was a little weird for her.

NW: It’s amazing how easily this so-called important work for POOSH can easily be interrupted by snacks and Netflix.

Scott asked her about her work for POOSH. Kourtney explained that she was working on an article about celibacy, but she needed to do research. Scott said they once practiced celibacy, but Kourtney insisted they still had sex even though he thought they didn’t. Scott reminded her that she once thought he was a porn star. Kourtney was enjoying the conversation. Both insist they are strictly platonic.

NW: If this is an example of the kind of conversation Scott has to offer, it makes sense why he won’t date anyone over the age of 22.

Later, Khloe and Kim challenged Kendall and Kylie to a game of volleyball. As siblings the girls are competitive by nature, but Kendall talking about how the Jenners were genetically gifted was making Kim’s blood boil. Kim and Khloe thought because they worked harder physically they were the true athletes. However, because of how they grew up and their “Olympic genes” (from Caitlyn), Kendall was convinced that the Jenners just had it in them. Even though she and Khloe won the volleyball game, Kim didn’t think the volleyball game was enough so she proposed an obstacle course: Kardashians versus the Jenners.

NW: I propose a net worth competition: Kardashians versus Jenners. As a courtesy for both families, Dream and Brody will not be factored in.

Kourtney shared her POOSH article about celibacy with Kris and her boyfriend, Corey. She listed the benefits and Kris became interested. As a fun experiment for her POOSH, Kourtney suggested that Kris and Corey try celibacy. She suggested they go two weeks without sex. Corey did not want to do the experiment. Kourtney begged them to do it for science and for POOSH. Kris and Corey eventually agreed. However, Kris didn’t think it was going to work and Corey thought he was going to go psycho.

In the backyard of the Malibu house, Kim spilled the tea on Scott and Kourtney. She told her sisters she was at the Malibu house one morning and saw Scott and Kourtney sleeping on the same couch together. They weren’t spooning or anything, but they weren’t far away from each other either. Kim was sure something was going on between them. Khloe and Kendall were in disbelief. Kendall wanted them to try to hook up again. Kim said that Kourtney and Scott were convinced that they would mess up their good co-parenting if they hooked up. Khloe tried to chime in, but Kim said she’s not one to talk (because of her situation with Tristan). Khloe agreed and didn’t finish her statement.

NW: Scott has moved on to another, and Auntie Kourt is dating a vegan drummer and yet we’re still pushing the “Will Scott and Kourtney get back together?” storyline. I love that for us.

On the trampoline, Kris told Kylie that the Kardashians thought they could kick the Jenners’ ass in the obstacle course. Kylie laughed and said that it’s just a fact that the Jenners are more athletic. Kris agreed and said it was all about genetics. To prove her athleticism, Kylie did a backflip while Kim taunted her about the Kardashians being better than the Jenners. Kylie executed the flip perfectly, but Kim claimed she couldn’t run, lift weights, or even show up to do the obstacle course.

Kim, Khloe, and Kendall discussed Scott and Kourtney. Kendall said she was team “Skourt” (Scott and Kourtney) and they’re supposed to be with each other. Khloe thought that Scott would get back together in a heartbeat, he’s just waiting on Kourtney. Kim had the idea to “Parent Trap” them, a push to get them together. Kendall had the idea to say they are having a family dinner, but no one shows up so it becomes a romantic dinner just for the two of them.

Meanwhile, because Kris and Corey were struggling with celibacy, Kourtney set up a Tai Chi class in the backyard to help them channel their energy. Kourtney said the point of celibacy was to feel closer to your partner, so Tai Chi was a great opportunity for Kris and Corey to bond. Afterward, they had a deep talk. Kris and Corey actually liked it.

Later, Kim’s trainer showed up at the Malibu house to train Kim, Khloe, and Kourtney for the obstacle course. Kim let her trainer know that a cyst on the back of her knee burst, so she was in pain. The doctor wanted her to cool it, but she still wanted to prepare for the obstacle course.

NW: A cyst on the back of her knee is code for she’s 40.

Kendall and Kylie met up with a trainer too. They didn’t want the Kardashians to think they were the only ones training for the obstacle course.

The day of the obstacle course, Kim’s knee was still bothering her, so she was out and Kourtney was competing, but she was also having some problems. The Kardashian team was breaking down. Khloe didn’t want the Jenners to know that they were having problems. On top of that, Kylie called in to say she had a sinus infection so she wouldn’t be showing up. It was all on Kendall, but she couldn’t wait to show everyone up.

NW: Here’s what actually happened: Basically, mommy and auntie Kourt are 40 and up, and Auntie Kylie would rather make TikToks with Stass than participate in this obstacle course.

Khloe completed the course in 2:48 (minutes: seconds), Kendall completed the course in 2:35, and Kourtney completed the course in 2:39. Kourtney came close to beating Kendall, but said it wasn’t fair because she was at a height disadvantage. Kim said Kendall did the best, so she deserved to win, but she would’ve won had her knee been fine.

NW: I fell asleep during this scene.

Later, Kourtney heard some interesting noises while she was trying to read outside. She went to investigate and found out the noises were coming from Kris and Corey. She wondered if they were breaking their celibacy, but Corey was just giving Kris a shoulder massage. The celibacy agreement was to end the next day and Kourtney was proud of them for sticking to it and helping her with her POOSH research. Corey said it wasn’t life-changing but it was fun to support the exercise, but he never wants to do celibacy again.

NW: All this for a POOSH article?

Khloe and Kim planned the fake family dinner for Kourtney and Scott. They wanted to set up a Swiss-themed romantic dinner because it’s something Kourtney claims to love. When Scott and Kourtney showed up and they couldn’t find any of the family. All they found were cryptic love notes and clues. They eventually found the romantic dinner setting outside. Kourtney thought that Scott set it up, but Scott assured her he did not. It was pretty obvious to him that the family was trying to set them up. Scott said that the family puts a lot of pressure on Kourtney for them to get back together. Scott didn’t think it was that simple, but to have a moment together was a cool thing. Kourtney thought it was nice and annoying that her family set them up. Neither one of them could fault the family for trying.

The next day, Khloe and Kim arrived at the Malibu house looking for Scott and Kourtney. They found the master bedroom was locked, so they thought they had to be in there. They went around the back of the house to get into the room and saw rose petals in the bathtub, a bra on the floor, and Scott and Kourtney in bed together. As a joke, Scott and Kourtney decided to pretend that they had a night together. Kourtney said that dinner was nice, but they were not back together. Kim and Khloe were confused because of the romantic setting, but Scott and Kourtney said it was just a prank to get back at them. Kim and Khloe weren’t convinced. The girls were still rooting for them to get back together, but were willing to give them time.

NW: Get back together, don’t get back together…can one of them just get a real job?

“Keeping Up with the Kardashians” airs Thursday nights at 8 p.m. on E!