“I felt like I was embarrassing him,” she told Taraji P. Henson.
Tamar Braxton opened up about her suicide attempt in a new interview on “Peace of Mind with Taraji.”
Sitting down with cohosts Taraji P. Henson and best friend Tracie Jade, Henson told their guest she was “in a safe place” before asking her when she first felt like she was losing control of her life.
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“The first time I knew things wasn’t normal is when everything went down with ‘The Real,'” she revealed. “I was in my bedroom, it was completely dark. You don’t shower, you don’t eat and you don’t know what day of the week it is. I was able to hide it enough to pull myself, barely, out of there.”
Tamar’s contract for the morning talk show wasn’t renewed back in 2016. At the time, the reasons behind the decision were kept private and all of her cohosts have repeatedly denied they knew about or were part of the decision.
“And then, I go back to the same toxic lifestyle without dealing with anything that happened to me prior and that is continually happening to me,” Braxton continued. “From day to day, I was just barely sliding by. I just felt choked, it was no escape, I didn’t see another way out. I wanted to die. Everything was doing wrong.”
Braxton became estranged from her family as they filmed “Braxton Family Values,” with Tamar getting her own show, “Tamar Braxton: Get Ya Life.” While filming that series, Braxton attempted suicide in July.
“I had no relationship with my family, I was estranged from my sisters, including my mother. I worked with my family. We had no healing time,” she told Taraji. “My relationship with my fiancé at the time was out of control, the relationship with my child was surface. Meaning like, check in, but I wasn’t really checking in. I make him some food, but I don’t know if he like it.”
“And with myself, I’d gained 50 pounds, so I didn’t even recognize myself anymore,” she added. “That should have been such a huge sign to me that something is wrong, that things are not going well at all.”
When Henson brought up Braxton’s “beautiful” 7-year-old son Logan, Tamar began to tear up.
“Logan was the reason why I made that decision. I felt like he deserved better, I felt like I was embarrassing him being a fool on TV,” she said, explaining the attempt on her life. “I knew that’s not what my whole life really was, that’s not who I was. I didn’t want him to be embarrassed in front of his friends. His loudmouth ghetto mama.”
Henson was moved to get up and give Braxton a hug, telling her, “I just want you to know I see you. I see you, okay? You are here for a reason, now you know that. I see so much of myself in you.”
When asked whether there was any talk about mental health in the Braxton household growing up, Tamar laughed.
“No, Becky, we’re Black people. No. We just deal with it. Because a therapist would mean something is wrong with me,” she continued.
She went on to call therapy “the best thing I’ve ever done,” telling the hosts she now goes “every single day … because I don’t have it figured out.”
Braxton said the line of communication between her and her son is in a much better place now, saying she’s “present” and “a real mother.”
“Now I can decipher when he’s having a hard time figuring out his emotions and when he really needs to sit down and I try to do that every day,” she said. Tamar added the two check in nightly, sharing their “rose” and “thorn” of the day with each other before talking about how to better themselves going forward.