Sexologist Shan Boodram Shares Advice For Couples Quarantining Together

Sex and relationship expert, Shan Boodram, is sharing some tips on how to handle quarantine with a significant other.

While speaking with TooFab, Boodram, a certified intimacy educator who describes herself as “kinda like Dr. Ruth meets Rihanna,” offered some expert advice about all things sex, dating and relationships — particularly when it comes to isolating at home amid the coronavirus pandemic.

As Boodram, 34, puts it, we are living in “the most unnormal time ever” and for many couples, spending more time together than they are used to can bring up challenges.

When asked how couples can navigate their relationship while in isolation, Boodram suggests they “create a new normal.”

“It’s a new normal amidst the most unnormal time ever, right?” she explained. “It’s one thing to both be unemployed at the same time or both be child-rearing at the same time, but to be home alone during the pandemic where your anxieties are heightened…You really have to have compassion underneath it all. If your partner has a really high sex drive at that time, it might be arousal confusion. If your partner has a really low sex drive during that time, their fight or flight system might be hyperactivated to the point that they don’t actually ever feel like having those calm and connected moments. Both those things can be equally true.”

“Being curious I think with your partner is really important,” she continued. “Having lots of dialogue, creating boundaries around when you guys are apart, creating spaces where the two can come together and how that looks [and] coming up with a coping strategy together. There’s a lot of work to be done but in the success you come out of this more connected, more empathetic, and more loving towards your partner.”

As for the single people out there, Boodram explained how quarantine can be beneficial both for those who are interested in dating and those who would rather use the time to work on themselves.

Describing isolation as “an interesting time” to be single, Boodram pointed out how online dating apps like Bumble and OkCupid have thrived although people can’t actually meet up to date — and expressed how this can be used as an advantage.

“People are looking to connect right now and the question has been previously like, ‘Well is this a hook group? What are they looking for?'” she said. “Like now that’s sort of a null and void question because ultimately like we’re not going to get to that space right now. So you have no choice but to actually get to know somebody as a human being before you decide if you want to have a sexual relationship with them or a long term or a mix of both.”

Though Boodram admitted that she’s “very wary about giving prescriptive advice” as “every single individual is different,” she assured that it’s completely okay if single people have “no interest” in dating during quarantine.

“Just know that if you want to connect and date, it’s a pretty great time,” Boodram said. “If you want to spend alone reconnecting that’s totally healthy and normal, that could be a really beautiful thing. If you’re somewhere in between and you just, you need to have meaningless cybersex just to get through the coping mechanism. That’s also alright and guess what? Zoom is having sex orgies so there is a space and place for all of it.”

Boodram — who is known by her community as “Shan Boody” — is the bestselling author of “The Game of Desire,” has a popular YouTube channel and has hosted dating shows including Facebook Watch relationship series, “Make Up or Break Up” and MTV’s “Guide to Sex.” One of her latest projects is hosting “Sexology” on Quibi, the short-form mobile video platform where all content can be viewed in 10 minutes or less.

“Sexology,” which co-launched with Quibi earlier this month, shows viewers “how to navigate sex, dating and relationships today — when the rules of love and attraction are confusing and fluid.”

Boodram said she’s already filmed over 100 episodes, including two weeks of “COVID-19 related intimacy, dating and sex questions.” She also spilled to TooFab about some upcoming topics “Sexology” will tackle.

“I’m trying to think off the top of my head of topics that we did,” she said before firing them off. “So we did cannabis and sex. So we had a cannasexual, which is somebody who regularly infuses either CBD or THC, not just, you know, in terms of what they do before sex, but actually during the act itself, and products you could use if you’re a cannasexual.”

“We had asexuality. We did toxic relationships,” she continued. “We did why you’re not getting the second date, like people who are just chronically getting ghosted.”

According to Boodram, future episodes will also explore squirting, some “basic entry point tips” on performing oral sex on a woman, and digisexuality, a way for people to “utilize the new age technology to connect with people more than ever.”

Check out more from Shan Boodram on “Sexology,” which airs every weekday on Quibi.

Got a story or a tip for us? Email TooFab editors at tips@toofab.com.

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