Nope, we still aren’t at Jax Taylor and Brittany Cartwright’s wedding — that’ll be next week — but Tuesday’s episode of “Vanderpump Rules” documented some of the drama leading up to the main event.
Tonight, it was all about the rehearsal dinner, which had a murder mystery theme and ended with some of the women shooting daggers at each other.
The fireworks truly began after Stassi Schroeder, Lala Kent and Katie Maloney began talking to each other about Kristen Doute bringing Brian Carter as her date to the wedding. The three women have little love for Carter and have been on the outs with Katie for some time now. The show made sure to point out how Katie has also complained about Carter at length in the past, saying she “wasn’t happy” with him.
As they were talking about Kristen behind her back, she walked over … so they just started talking to her face instead. When Lala asked if she was really bringing Carter, Kristen told them she was — adding that “he deserves to be at the wedding because he’s [Jax and Brittany’s] friend” and her “best friend ever.”
Kristen then tried to brush off the conversation and walk away, but Stassi wasn’t having it. “You can’t be real for one second, Kristen. You can’t be real for one f–king second,” she exclaimed, “For months, I haven’t had a real conversation with you and I don’t know who you are.”
“Because you don’t try to have conversations, Stassi,” Kristen shot back. “You’re up your own ass and your own bullshit!”
When Lala said both Stassi and Katie “truly care” about her well being and were only voicing their concerns, Kristen turned to Katie and said she’s “just a bitch to me all the time.” Katie hit back by calling her an “obnoxious bitch” and “obnoxious person.”
The bride-to-be had to come over and break up the fight, as Stassi started tearing up. In a confessional, Kristen said, “It’s starting to feel like I’m on this weird deserted friendship peninsula that’s slowly turing into an island. My two best friends of a decade, they suddenly want nothing to do with me.”
As they all scattered, Katie then told Brittany, “What you witnessed was the end of a friendship.”
Later in the episode, Kristen then unloaded on Stassi’s now-fiance, Beau. While he seemed to be acting as mediator at first, she suddenly turned on him mid-conversation. She wasn’t happy he didn’t have her back, since they were friends before he started dating Stassi.
“I’m so tired of everyone coming down on me and Carter, I’m over it,” she said to him. “Why the f–k am I being dragged for something that’s hard for me. Why isn’t anyone f–king calling me and asking if I’m cool, none of y’all do.”
“F-k you,” she then shouted at Beau, in hysterics. “You don’t call me and ask me how the f–k I am!”
He then brilliantly told her it was time to “get unselfish and focus” on the upcoming nuptials, which she did.
When Beau filled his other half in on their conversation, Stassi was livid. “Kristen, I know you banged my ex boyfriend in the past, but you’re not number one in all my boyfriends lives okay? I am,” she said.
“When Kristen slept with Jax I had to get over something Kristen did. With this situation, it feels like it’s about who Kristen is,” she added in a confessional. “I don’t want to have one more conversation with her anymore. We thought nothing could shake our unbreakable bond, but it’s like, shit can. She’s a f–king psychopath. Once this wedding’s over, bye.”
The episode ended with Stassi and Ariana Madix laughing at Kristen as her breast repeatedly popped out of her onesie as the girls all got wild the night before the wedding. Good times, right?
Also of note, Lisa Vanderpump showed up to the wedding festivities after-all, despite her mother’s death. She was also somewhat miffed when she learned Tom Schwartz and Katie never actually got a marriage license — as she was the one who officiated the wedding.
“Are you f–king kidding me?” she exclaimed. “All that effort I put into writing those vows. And they’re not even married? I put more effort into getting married than they did!”
“Vanderpump Rules” airs Tuesdays on Bravo.