The woman behind Nori’s Black Book — a viral parody Instagram account written entirely in the voice of Kim Kardashian’s sassy 6-year-old daughter — brings her talents to TooFab with another review of all things Kardashian.
It’s been quite the year for the Kar-Jenners, and “Nori” has taken time out of her busy holiday schedule to gather up the 19 most shocking, absurd and noteworthy moments her family endured in 2019.
(NOTE: The below was not actually written by North West. Additionally, while the views and opinions expressed below are meant in jest, they do not reflect those of TooFab or its editors.)
1. DadYe Banned Me From Wearing MakeUp
With his newfound faith, DadYe decided that everyone around him needed to change instead of just changing himself. So Mommy had to put more clothes on, and I wasn’t allowed to wear makeup anymore. Luckily, I don’t consider KKW Beauty real makeup, so I can still wear that.
2. Auntie Kylie and Travis Scott Broke Up
I lost another potential uncle this year when Auntie Kylie and Travis called it quits. This one hurt. If I had to rate the pain I felt about this breakup on a scale from 1 to Auntie Khloe and Lamar, I’d say I’m at about an Auntie Kourt and Younes. Basically a 6.
3. Tristan Kissed Auntie Kylie’s Best Friend, Jordyn
Jordyn making out with Auntie Khloe’s boyfriend, Tristan, was the ultimate betrayal. The whole situation was sad. Auntie Khloe lost her boyfriend, Auntie Kylie lost her best friend, ratings for “KUWTK” went up, Good American and Kylie Cosmetics sold out, my engagement on social media improved and True was able to move out of Cleveland. Actually, this was probably the best thing that happened to us all year.
4. Mommy Got Accused of Cultural Appropriation for Naming Her Shapewear Line Kimono
Another year, another cultural appropriation accusation. Mommy may not have intended to offend people, but she managed to do so by naming her shapewear line Kimono. In her defense, she just picked something that had “Kim” in it. She’s not creative enough to be intentionally offensive. This is the same woman who named a human being Chicago. Let’s not give her too much credit.
5. Psalm aka Sam Joins the Family
We became a family of six when Sam joined the family this year. He reminds me of Auntie Kendall: cute, but not crucial to the brand.
6. I Dropped My Video for ‘Old Town Road’
I wrote, edited, produced, directed, choreographed and starred in my remake video of this year’s hit song, “Old Town Road” by Lil Nas X. Truth is, the song was struggling on the charts before I got involved. After my remake, the song’s run at No. 1 is the longest in chart history. My impact on the culture.
7. Mommy Studying for the Bar Exam
Mommy decided to study for the bar exam this year. She felt like studying law would help her in her efforts regarding prison reform. Little does she know she’s preparing to get Reign’s future charges dropped from a felony to a misdemeanor.
8. Auntie Kourt Launched Her Lifestyle Website, Poosh
At the ripe age of 40, Auntie Kourt decided to get a job. After I closed DASH, it took her awhile to figure out her next move, but I’m proud of her for creating something and carving out her own brand identity. Who knew there was a market for people who hate candy, gluten and overall fun?
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