The woman behind Nori’s Black Book — a viral parody Instagram account written entirely in the voice of Kim Kardashian’s sassy 6-year-old daughter — is bringing her talents to TooFab.
Each week, “Nori” recaps new episodes of “Keeping Up with the Kardashians” and gives us HER take on all the family drama.
(NOTE: The below was not actually written by North West.)
Sunday’s episode started with Kim explaining to Scott that the public was accusing her of cultural appropriation because she chose to name her shapewear line KIMONO. Kim said that, foolishly, no one on her team thought the name would be a problem. Scott asked her if she was going to change the name or just fight through the controversy, but Kim said it was too early to tell. She wanted to take a beat to see if it was just chatter or if it was really offensive because she already had the brand name printed on the garments. If she did have to change the name, she said she could lose roughly $10 million.
As someone who invested a large amount of capital and time into this brand, I was disappointed that my notes about the brand name were not considered. I specifically mentioned the cultural insensitivity of the name KIMONO and suggested the brand be called NORTHIES. Listening would have saved Mommy huge embarrassment and millions of dollars. -NW
Khloe and Kris had a meeting with TV producers at Khloe’s house to finalize things for a show Khloe is developing. During the meeting, Khloe got distracted when she noticed a mark on the wall. She was fixated on the mark and began to obsess over it the entire meeting. As soon as the meeting ended, she had to clean it.
At Kourtney’s house, Kim and Kourtney called the event planner for North and Penelope’s joint birthday party. Since the girls are best friends and their birthdays are so close, they always have a joint birthday party. For this year’s party, they chose Candyland as the theme. Kourtney wanted fun food at the party, but she also wanted healthy food like salad. Kim was not amused.
Penelope and I started having joint birthday parties because P couldn’t do the numbers I could do. If we didn’t do a joint birthday party, P would only have family and Larsa’s kids in attendance. She also doesn’t have the budget.
I do her the favor every year of collaborating on a birthday party, and her mom is trying to ruin it with her gluten-free propaganda. I deserve better. -NW
Back at Khloe’s house, Khloe was cleaning the scuff marks out of her floors. Kris said that Khloe is a lot like her because she used to clean and organize all the time, but she realized nothing is going to ever be perfect. Kris suggested to Khloe that the scuff marks might have come from True’s toys, so Khloe tested True’s toys to make sure they didn’t scratch her floor. Kris was worried about Khloe’s obsessive cleaning and thought it caused Khloe unnecessary anxiety. She recommended that Khloe see someone who specializes in OCD. Khloe wasn’t thrilled about the idea but agreed to see a therapist for Kris.
It’s really sad what people who can’t afford maids have to go through. Who could live like this? -NW
At a photo shoot, Kim talked to her publicist about a letter the mayor of Kyoto wrote, explaining the meaning of Kimono and why it’s important to the Japanese culture. Kim didn’t want to disrespect the culture because that’s not what she wants her brand to be about, so she decided to change the name. Moving forward, she had to think about how to salvage the products that had already been produced with the name KIMONO.
The letter also mentioned that naming our dog Sushi was also not cool, but Mommy said we didn’t have to change his name because we weren’t planning on selling him. Apparently, we only have to acknowledge cultural appropriation when we want to profit from it. -NW
In the car on the way to shopping, Kim and Kourtney talked about ideas for their daughters’ party. Kourtney wanted healthy and organic candy without “disgusting chemicals” because her brand is about being healthy. Kim countered by asking why she has leather seats in her car and why are her glasses plastic if that’s what her brand’s about. Kim wanted real candy at the party, but Kourtney did not. Neither one was willing to compromise.
It’s cute that Auntie Kourt thinks she has a brand.
Had I not been so busy running my empire, I would’ve had more input of the party. Auntie Kourt was being really unreasonable. If only she applied this passion and commitment to an actual job. -NW
While shopping, Kim called Khloe to vent about Kourtney banning candy from the Candyland-themed party. Kourt also called Khloe to vent about Kim wanting junk food at the party. Last time there was a sister fight, Khloe was accused of meddling, but now her sisters were putting her in the middle of it.
Khloe met with the therapist Kris recommended at her house. Khloe was willing to talk to the therapist for her mom, but she didn’t feel like she had a problem. She actually felt like her cleanliness and organization was a positive thing. The therapist had Khloe unorganize some things in her house to get her to see that a little disorganization is fine. As a control freak, the exercise was torture.
Auntie Khloe’s OCD is the reason she only dates basketball players. She tried dating rapper French Montana, but she felt unorganized. -NW
The party planner called Kourtney to discuss the candy issue for the birthday party. Kourtney told the party planner to not to listen to Kim because she basically planned the party all on her own. She said she was making all the executive decisions and decided there would be no candy.
quote hereIt’s extremely cruel that Auntie Kourtney does not allow kids to eat candy. This is why Younes broke up with her. She wouldn’t let him enjoy Red Vines in peace. -NW
Kim had a meeting for her shapewear line. She decided to change the brand name from KIMONO to SKIMS. It’s easy, it’s one syllable and it’s symmetrical. To replace the labels, her team said they could save and re-purpose most of the garments and still make the September launch date. Kim was glad that it wasn’t the end of the world. She felt that since she and her team had a plan, everything was going to work out.
Why am I paying a marketing team when she’s just going to poll her friends on what her band name should be? The lack of professionalism and the poor roll-out of this shapewear line was concerning. -NW
At Kourtney’s house, Kim confronted Kourtney about banning candy from their daughters’ birthday party. Kourtney said that there is candy without disgusting chemicals. Kourtney went on to say that even though there won’t be candy, kids can still have treats. Kim said that it doesn’t make sense for the theme of the party to be Candyland and have no candy. They couldn’t come to an agreement, so Kim decided she was going to have her own party for North.
Auntie Kourt could’ve just thrown the Saladland-themed party she wanted for Penelope and left me out of it. I am really okay with having a small, intimate birthday dinner at Nobu with some of my closest friends and family, and the Disick kids. -NW
At Khloe’s house, Kris asked Kim about the birthday party. Kim said that she and Kourtney were having separate birthday parties and that hers would be Saturday at 2 p.m. After Kim left, Kris called Kourtney to ask her about the birthday party situation. She found out that Kim and Kourt’s birthday parties were scheduled for the same day at the same time. Khloe thought that was crazy and that there only needed to be one party.
Khloe brought Kim and Kourt together to find a compromise for their daughters’ birthday parties. Kim felt that Kourtney thinks she’s always right and that it’s her way or the highway. Kourt felt that in the family people get judged for their differences. After more discussion, Kourtney eventually apologized. Kim and Kourtney decided they needed to have the girls’ party together for convenience. Kourtney agreed to go with regular candy and no healthy food for the party.
I will be exploring my options for a solo party next year. Having the party placed in jeopardy over candy was petty. These two need to grow up. I’m thinking about having a SKIMS-themed party next year. Everyone must come in shapewear. -NW
At Khloe’s house, the family had dinner. Khloe talked about her therapy session and said she felt better about her OCD and that she had gotten it together. To test her OCD, everyone started throwing food on the table to see how much of the mess she could take without being bothered. As a result, a full-on food fight started. Khloe said that no one would be okay with a food fight. Kris agreed, but said that if she can laugh at it, she is doing okay.
The Malikas were cleaning for days after that food fight. This family is wasteful. There are people in the world starving. If they weren’t going to eat all that food I could’ve packed it up and sent it to Dream’s house. -NW
“Keeping Up with the Kardashians” airs Sundays at 9 p.m. on E!
Got a story or a tip for us? Email TooFab editors at [email protected].
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