Thursday’s two-hour season finale of “Jersey Shore: Family Vacation” was an emotional roller coaster.
After Lauren Sorrentino FaceTimed Jenni “JWoww” Farley to say Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino would be released from prison the next day, Jenni invited the roommates to crash at her new house (because she lived the closest to the Sorrentino house and to the prison facility) to sleep over so that everybody could be together when Mike got out.
Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi, Deena Cortese and Angelina Pivarnick arrived before the guys. Naturally, they brought wine. A lot of it. So the girls started drinking and were pretty hammered by the time Vinny Guadagnino and Ronnie Ortiz-Magro showed up. Pauly D couldn’t make it until the next day.
While everyone was eating, a somber Lauren FaceTimed Jenni to say she wasn’t sure when Mike would be getting released because she claimed they refused to give him a date. The group was devastated, but the call actually inspired the wasted women to come up with a terrible yet very sweet idea: Fly to Washington, D.C. to “free Sitch!”
“Listen, I’m ready to do what Kim Kardashian did,” Deena told the gang.
“What, make porn?” Vinny asked.
“No, go to f–king Washington, D.C. and go to the president. If Kim Kardashian can get somebody out of jail, why can’t we?” she replied. “Kim Kardashian went to the White House and got people out of jail, so I feel if we go down to D.C., we make signs, we march, there’s a chance we can free the Sitch!”
Angelina chimed in, “If Kim Kardashian can get Martha Stewart out of jail, so can we,” as Nicole added, “That’s how I feel,” and Jenni agreed.
Deena then came up with the idea of renting a private jet. “We would like to know if we can talk to somebody that Kim Kardashian talked to,” she said sternly. “I’m gonna walk up to the knight at the gate.”
“But we’re going at the White House,” Snooki added, again very serious. “But if he sees reality stars outside, he’ll let us in. The president is a reality star. We’re reality stars. Let my friend out of jail! That’s all.”
Vinny and Ronnie were beside themselves.
“What makes this plan even worse is that it’s being come up with by a bunch of moms that just drank like four bottles of wine,” Vinny later told the camera, as the screen quickly flashed to the girls’ joint confessional, where they were falling over each other and shouting, “Don’t be a bitch! Free Sitch!”
But Ronnie wanted to know the logistics of this supposed plan. The girls said they were going to make signs.
“Angelina,” Vinny asked. “How many branches of the government are there?”
Counting on her fingers, she replied, “Um, you have the Pentagon…” When Vinny laughed in her face, she said, “What do you mean branches? In what sense? Like leaves? Like a tree? Alright, there’s IRS…” Again, Vinny laughed in her face. “No, I’m not kidding!” she maintained. “The IRS is part of the government!”
When Vinny explained there was an executive, a legislative and a judicial branch, Angelina wanted to know, “What’s a judicional?”
“We’re gonna do whatever we can to get Mike out,” Deena said, as Vinny asked, “What if you had to blow the guy?”
“If I have to take one for the team,” Angelina replied, “then I’ll do it.”
Vinny and Ronnie just let the girls do their thing, thinking they were simply drunk thoughts that would flee by the morning.
They were wrong.
In the a.m., the girls drove to the airport, hopped aboard a private jet, chugged boxed wine and champagne and flew to the nation’s capital. They were in matching “Free Sitch” T-shirts and brought along handmade posters.
“I’m really excited to go to D.C. We’re gonna make a difference!” Nicole said, as Deena felt they were “making history, bitches!”
As expected, it was a you-know-what show. They kept asking uninterested strangers for directions to the White House so they could “talk to Donald Trump.” When they were given no help, they stopped at the Department of Treasury and thought they had made it. They began chanting for Trump. Shockingly, he was nowhere to be found.
When they passed “the pointy thing” commonly known as the Washington Monument, Angelina asked if they had found the Leaning Tower of Pisa.
They had not.
“Hi, our friend’s in jail. We’re trying to get him out. He did nothing,” Nicole repeated to passersby. “Facts,” Jenni would add. Eventually they gathered up a couple handfuls of people to join their “protest.” Once at the White House (nowhere remotely close to the actual house), Nicole shouted, “I work here! I was on ‘The Apprentice!'”
“Donnie loves women,” she later told the camera. “Security’s gonna be like, ‘There’s bitches outside yelling.’ And he’ll be like, ‘Let ’em in! They’re bitches!'” Unfortunately, though, the “bitches” were not given access to entry.
“I think we made an impact,” said a wasted Snooki as she and the girls made their way back to the plane, right before Deena tripped and fell on her face in the midst of shouting, “Team Cuca!”
Once back in Jersey, drunk Deena went off on Vinny for being a boring “lump on a log” who doesn’t drink or eat carbs with the group. The funny banter quickly got on Vin’s nerves, so Deena had to apologize the next day. All was fine between the two.
But what Deena and the girls didn’t know was that “prank war champion” Pauly and the guys had devised a plan to make them think their drunken D.C. adventure had prolonged Mike’s stay. They concocted a fake email from Mike that Ronnie pretended to get on his phone. For a solid five minutes, the girls believed it and were beside themselves. Thank God for JWoww, who grabbed the phone, stared long and hard at the message and determined it wasn’t legitimate.
At the end of the episode, Mike called Vinny (about five times before Lauren called Vinny and told him the No Caller ID number that had been calling incessantly was Mike). He put Sitch on speakerphone.
Although he was happy to get to speak with his roommates, Mike sounded sad and said he still hadn’t been released or been given a date. He told the gang the latest they could keep him incarcerated was Sept. 12, and that’s the day he was released.
“Jersey Shore: Family Vacation” airs Thursdays at 8 p.m. on MTV.
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The Ladies of ‘Jersey Shore’ Take to D.C. to Help ‘Free Sitch’