The woman behind Nori’s Black Book — a viral parody Instagram account written entirely in the voice of Kim Kardashian’s sassy 6-year-old daughter — is bringing her talents to TooFab.
Each week, “Nori” recaps new episodes of “Keeping Up with the Kardashians” and gives us HER take on all the family drama.
(NOTE: The below was not actually written by North West.)
Sunday’s episode of “Keeping Up with the Kardashians” started with a really inappropriate conversation between Khloe, Kris and Scott about “circle jerking.”
All the money in the world and these people still can’t afford class. -NW
Later, Kim told Kourtney and Scott that North hadn’t stopped talking about Costa Rica since their last family trip to Costa Rica. North even said she wanted to live there when she grew up. Kim wanted to plan a trip back there for North’s birthday and asked Scott if it would bring back bad memories for him since, the last time they were there, everyone threw a drink on him because he snuck a girl onto the trip. Scott said his life’s changed since then, so he would be fine.
I’m glad Scott felt comfortable enough to attend my birthday trip to Costa Rica. However, I felt bad because I know he had to pay a fortune for a babysitter for Sofia. I didn’t invite her because I don’t consider the young girlfriend of my cousin’s dad family. -NW
At lunch, Kris told MJ that June is always a depressing month for her because it’s the anniversary month of her best friend Nicole Brown Simpson’s passing. It had been 25 years since her death, but to Kris, it felt very fresh. Kris mentioned that she and her other longtime friend, Faye Resnick, were asked to do an interview about Nicole, but they turned it down.
Elsewhere, Kim was working on her shapewear line, formerly called KIMONO. Before she left for Costa Rica, she had a meeting about branding and marketing for the launch. Kim was going to be traveling, so she wouldn’t be able to oversee any of the shoots. In the meeting, Kim had the idea to do mock-infomercials for the launch, similar to the ones that Kris used to do back in the day. Kim and her team thought it would be really funny.
I had no idea this meeting took place. Had I been there, I would have cautioned her about using KIMONO as the name of her brand. I take cultural appropriation very seriously. I won’t even talk to Mommy when she wears fulani braids. -NW
At Kris’ house, Kim read Kris an article about OJ Simpson reportedly bragging about sleeping with Kris. The article claimed that OJ was so rough with Kris during their hookup that it sent Kris to the hospital. Kris said it never happened and thought it was pathetic that the media was giving life to the rumors. She also found it tasteless and disgusting that the reports came out on the anniversary of Nicole’s death.
Later at Kris’ condo, Khloe got some advice from Kris about prom because she was going with a Kardashian superfan. Kris advised her to drink.
If Auntie Khloe wanted to know what a high school prom was like, she should’ve asked a high schooler. I’m sure Sofia would’ve given her some great insight. -NW
Kris then told Khloe she was really upset about the article claiming she and OJ slept together. Kris started to cry because she said that, after 25 years, this shouldn’t be a thing. Khloe’s advice to her was to focus on the good and stop putting energy into fighting this battle.
When this was going on, Kris was asking for someone to get pregnant in the family group chat so that the OJ story could die. I reminded her that pregnancies are only used in cases of emergency, like low show ratings. She was going to have to handle this one on her own. -NW
Khloe took a long limo ride alone to prom. It was her first prom because she was home-schooled from 10th grade to 12th grade. When she arrived, her date thanked her for coming and talked about his struggles in high school. Khloe could relate because she didn’t enjoy high school, so she wanted to make his experience enjoyable, even if it was for one day.
At prom, Khloe was feeling lit from the dancing and the cocktails she had in the limo. Things were getting a little fuzzy, so Khloe left.
Honestly, prom looks like a nightmare. It’s like the met gala for extremely poor kids. -NW
Kim, Kanye, Kourtney and Scott took their kids to Costa Rica. Kim had to do some work before she was able to enjoy the trip. Back at home, Khloe and Kylie were shooting for Kim’s shapewear line. It was hard for Kim to disconnect because the content needed to be perfect because re-shoots weren’t possible. Khloe and Kylie were completely clueless as to what was going on at the shoot, so they kept texting and calling Kim. Kim told them she was trying to enjoy North’s birthday trip and that they needed to deal with it.
If she’s not reminding us she’s a lawyer, she’s playing the “working mom, so overwhelmed!” role every other episode. She wanted all these kids, so she needs to suck it up. She should’ve listened to me years ago when I told her I was enough. -NW
Kris shot a mock-infomercial for Kim’s shapewear line with her friends, Lisa Rinna and Kyle Richards. Even though they were told to improvise, Kris wanted some direction from Kim but was unable to get a hold of her because she was in Costa Rica. Kris said that if Kim wasn’t going to tell them what to do, they were just going to do their thing.
A “Real Housewives of Beverly Hills” crossover episode. How did we get here? -NW
In the car, Kris told MJ and Scott that she sued the website that ran the story about OJ Simpson and her sleeping together. She also was upset about the allegations that Khloe is OJ Simspon’s kid. Kris thought it was unfair to Nicole’s family and her own family for stupid rumors like this to be flying around. She decided to take legal action because she felt she had to do something about it.
When Kim came back from Costa Rica, Kris told her that her shoot for the shapewear was a hot mess because there was nobody there. She understood that Kim wanted to get away, but she felt like someone needed to be there to run the show. Kim said it’s already hard to take a break, and when she does, no one lets her have one because everyone calls her. Kim said she was trying to have a minute to figure out work life and mom life with four kids. She accepted that she can’t oversee every creative detail in her business, but if her kids enjoyed the trip, that’s all that mattered.
Next time, I’ll plan my own birthday trip since Mommy is having a hard time juggling everything. I didn’t like the hotel she picked out anyway, and bringing Saint did not sit well with me. -NW
Kris had lunch with Faye Resnick at Toscana to celebrate the life of Nicole Simpson. Faye said that it was hard being at the restaurant because of all the events they had there with Nicole. The waiter told them that the menu was designed 30 years ago. They were shocked it was the same one they had the last time they were there with Nicole. Kris realized she latched onto the legal side of things instead of the emotional side of just missing her girlfriend. Kris said that instead of focusing on something so tragic, they needed to focus on the amazing memories they had with Nicole.
Kim had lunch with Scott and Khloe and told them that OJ Simpson approached her best friend, Jonathan Cheban, in a restaurant. OJ wanted Jonathan to tell the family that he said hi and that he is proud of everyone. They also took pictures. OJ also took to Twitter to deny the reports that he and Kris slept together. Kris said in her confessional that she was happy that he set the record straight.
If you ever find yourself at a restaurant and both OJ Simpson and Jonathan Cheban are there, leave. There is something very wrong. -NW
The episode ended with a “to be continued,” showing media reports accusing Kim of culturally appropriating the Japanese people because she named her shapewear line KIMONO.
Next week, Mommy will be confronted with her tone deaf decision to name her brand KIMONO. It would’ve saved her a lot of time, money and humiliation if she would’ve just listened to me in the first place and named her shapewear line NORTHIES. -NW
“Keeping Up with the Kardashians” airs Sundays at 9 p.m. on E!
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