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Listen—summer might not be officially over until September 23, but Hot Girl Summer is dead, and Basic Girl Autumn is HERE. Thotumn, Christian Girl Fall, whatever you want to call it—it’s here and so is pumpkin spice everything. Not our fault if we like to enjoy the delicate tastings of a hot pumpkin spice beverage as we leisurely stroll through piles of newly fallen orange and yellow leaves while being all wrapped up in a gigantic “blanket scarf” and leggings as pants. Capitalism made us this way. And capitalism keeps giving us pumpkin spice-flavored products so that we may never tire of the sacred flavor. Even if it’s in the form of a minty lip balm. Or a sneaker. Or canned lunch meat. (Yeah.)
Pumpkin-scented candles and body lotion are certainly fall classics, but after a quick Google search of “pumpkin spice products” stemming out of pure curiosity, I found, to my horror (and honest delight), a slew of very random pumpkin spice-flavored products that I will never, ever forget (it’s like that one time I was innocently watching beauty tutorials on YouTube and then somehow fell down a rabbit hole of Disney conspiracy theories until sleep deprivation took over at 4 A.M.—what the hell happened).
I feel better for knowing about these PSL hybrid products now. Stronger, even. Pumpkin spice has made me a better friend and dog mom—and that’s solely because now I truly believe that you really can do anything you put your mind to. Such as, create a three-wick “Basic White Girl Pumpkin Spice” candle and sell it on Amazon for $18.99. The future is now, my friends.
But, yeah, you should really see these pumpkin spice products for yourself. Scroll through to see all the best (and worst) pumpkin spice latte-inspired items available to us in this earthly dimension. What a heckin’ time to be alive.
Pumpkin Spice Air Wick Air Fresheners
I mean, it says so right on the packaging. “SPREAD THE JOY” by making your apartment smell like a PSL.
Mrs. Meyer’s Pumpkin-Scented Multi-Surface Everyday Cleaner
Is this what we wanted? What we asked for when we all went crazy for Starbuck’s pumpkin spice latte?
Pumpkin Spice-Flavored Jell-O
Someone try this and let me know how it made you feel. My contact is what@thehell.com.
Pumpskin Spice-Flavored SPAM Lunch Meat
I—I’m. I am speechless.
A$AP Nast x Jack Purcell ‘Pumpkin Spice’ Chukka Mid Converse Sneaker
So, apparently A$AP Nast teamed up with Jack Purcell to make a pumpkin spice-inspired sneaker. The PSL’s influence is mind-boggling.
Too Faced Pumpkin Spice Eye Palette Collection
Legit, I would wear this on my face.
Thomas’ Pumpkin Spice English Muffins
This between a slice of that pumpkin spice SPAM meat with some pumpkin spice Jell-O for dessert would be *chef’s kiss*.
Dr. Amy Myers Pumpkin Spice-flavored Paleo Protein Powder
Yeah man, get swol with pumpkin spice protein powder.
Saucony Women’s Pumpkin Spice Freedom ISO 2 Running Sneakers
It appears that these running shoes were designed to mimic what your pristine white sneakers would look like if someone were to accidentally douse them in a PSL high-concentrate.
Pumpkin Spice Beard Oil
Hey beard people, now is your time.
Three-wick “Basic White Girl Pumpkin Spice” Candle
YES, THIS IS A REAL CANDLE WITH REAL SELF-AWARENESS.
Hempz Pumpkin Spice & Vanilla Chai Herbal Body Moisterizer
Self-care just got so much better.
Blue Diamond Pumpkin Spice-Flavored Almonds
For the ultimate snack experience.
Burt’s Bees Pumpkin Spice-Flavored Lip Balm
Honestly feeling very unfazed by any pumpkin spice-flavored products now after having seen that PSL SPAM. So, this is chill.