Riverdale’s Version of Heathers: The Musical Had a Surprising Lack of Murder

All hail Toni Topaz and also Vanessa Morgan!

We knew the entire Riverdale cast was talented, but as Toni was given a moment to shine tonight, so was Vanessa Morgan. That girl can SING. And she was a very good distraction from whatever the heck is going on with this show and the dang Farm as she, through the magic of songs from Heathers: The Musical, worked to win Cheryl back. 

Unsurprisingly, it worked, and Choni’s back as they should be. Their big reunion came in a ballad along with Betty and Jughead, which also served as Cole Sprouse‘s singing debut, right before he and Betty burned down the trailer his mother stole.

Meanwhile, we also saw Archie and Josie go legit (into it!), and Veronica learned that her parents are separating. Our reaction to that was “It’s about time!” Veronica’s reaction was less understanding, despite the laundry list of crimes that have gone down between Hiram and Hermione. 

There was, as usual, a lot going on tonight, but there was a surprising lack of one thing: murder. 

Heathers is filled with murder, and usually Riverdale loves a murder, but there was none tonight, even on stage. That’s a curious twist we were not expecting, and actually kind of an accomplishment! Everybody lived! 

Instead of a shocking death like we got at the very end of last year’s musical, this year’s musical ended with one lone member of the audience standing up to start a creepy clap: Edgar Evernever, played by Chad Michael Murray. 

Until now, the cult leader has only been spoken about and not seen, but it’s clear now that the Farm has taken over all of Riverdale, including Principal Weatherbee.

As for the musical aspect, we gotta say Heathers had better songs than Carrie, but we’re still a little bummed that Carrie had more murder. Why are we bummed about that, you ask? Because this show has ruined us. 

Riverdale airs Wednesdays at 8 p.m. on The CW.